Searching for a Pith Helmet

September is almost here - I can prove it because we are being bombarded with hickory nuts! It's dangerous to step outside our back door as they are falling onto the deck constantly - hence the need for a pith helmet. Maybe I'll get this one that's on sale at The J. Peterman Company.
J. Peterman says their helmet can protect you while birding or gardening - I think they should add stepping innocently out the back door. Despite their small size, hickory nuts are dangerous. Every afternoon I sweep off the day's nuts and while I'm sweeping, more are falling around me and sometimes, on me, and they're really, really hard. Not too hard for the squirrels (of course!) who manage to chew off small bits and drop those all over the deck, too. See the debris from today? Plus, over the weekend I wanted to quickly open the door to yell at some deer and a hickory nut wedged itself under the door so it wouldn't open or close. The deer ran away while I tugged and tugged on the door. On the bright side though - that particular hickory nut prevented me from yelling at the deer (again!) like a fish wife. It's so sad to realize you become Wile E. Coyote whenever you see the local deer grazing through your garden and yard - if I had the Acme Catalog rather than J. Peterman's, I would not be able to type this now because I'd either be anvil-shaped or totally blown up . . .

But wait . . . a plan is hatching. We could move the hickory tree so the nuts are above the tomatoes, beans, and cucumbers - then when the deer sneak in for dinner they'll be bombarded! Hmmm, I'll have to think about this. Meanwhile, don't walk under ladders or hickory trees.